Home- learnin' aint too bad

Our son Dboy who is 16 and a sophmore this year likes to tell people that he's "home-learned" by his mama when asked about school.  He also says it in this really bad hillbilly type accent.  (can you hear the banjos in the background?)  He apparently has his father's sense of humor. 

We do have people ask us frequently why we've chosen to homeschool so I've made a really
short list and posted a few pictures that convey some of the reasons we homeschool.

Reason 1. 

 The heavy lifting power I now have at my disposal is priceless!  You can tell from the look on his face that he's so EXCITED to be our pack mule.  I know it's 'teaching' him all kinds of important life lessons.  (his dad is behind him with the cattle prod)

Reason 2.

Store bought bread is beneath us, and all kids need a good dose of Home Economics.  She has her own really cute orange apron so she feels special while doing the family baking.  (notice there is no cattle prod in this picture)  I'm standing just outside the frame with the whip.

 



Reason 3.

Well what did you think dishwashers were for?  PARENTS?  Ha!!  We start them on the dishwasher before they are weaned.  Rockstar and I figured that with three kids we'll have been able to avoid the dishwasher for about 28  years total.   When they all leave home we're just going to use paper plates and our fingers. 






So there you have it.  Our homeschool philosophy.  It's all about what's BEST for the KIDS.  If you want to know some other reasons why we homeschool I have posted a tab on the homepage.  It's not required reading, so there will be no testing.  (See I slip into that teacher mode real easily)  Well, I better get busy...I have to warm up that cattle prod...there's bread to be baked and some heavy hauling to be done.  Education is important. 

The days of Superman & Elmo

I know that I'm not having any more babies. I've known that for quite some time obviously.  However I still wax nostalgic every now and then of the years gone by with my kids.  The days when I loved to kiss their chubby feet, and rock them to sleep while they made those cute little chipmunk squeaks.   The other day I happened to be in the baby aisle at the store for some reason.  I think I got lost while looking for the papertowels when suddenly I saw it.  The bright pink bottle.  I cracked it open and took a long whiff.  Ahhhh Baby Magic.  Suddenly I wanted to buy a cart full of Pampers and a 3 pack of Onesies.  I resisted, but I did buy a trial size of the lotion.  I don't know what possessed me, but it's kind of fun to see it in my purse now.

I loved the days of Superman and Elmo jammies.  The days when the tub was full of boats, squirt guns, and rubber duckies.  I wish I could have known how fast the time would go.  I might have enjoyed the splashing more.  I don't know about the flooding though.  I mean honestly, the amount of water that would end up on the floor was staggering.  There is nothing quite like snuggling with your freshly scrubbed children though.  Their noses so pink and shiny.  Their damp heads against your chest while you sing favorite songs and read favorite stories.  In our house daddy always did the final tucking in.  Usually there would be some squealing too.  A decent goodnight tickle by dad was just as important as the singing and stories.  Even as teenagers daddy still does the final tucking in.  There isn't so much tickling anymore...but every once in a while an arm wrestling challenge is issued and Dboy and dad head to the table.  Much to Dboy's dismay his dad sufficiently whoops him everytime.  Much jeering and hollering ensues.  This has replaced our stories and singing...but that's ok, I'm kind of tired of Good Night Moon.  We'll break it out for the grandkids one day and it will seem like a new story once again. 

No one wears Superman, or Elmo jammies in our house anymore.  No one needs a rubber duckie or toy boat in the tub.  None of them can sit on my lap without causing me to let out an "uff da you're heavy".  Their feet aren't so cute and chubby anymore...and I certainly don't feel like kissing them.  But...if they wanted to use some of that Baby Magic in my purse I might consider it. 

5th Grade Lunch

I have the fun job of working in a class of 5th graders a few hours each week.  In fact we just finished lunch a bit ago and while they are in math I decided to jump on the computer to write for a minute.  I thought I'd fill you in on our lunch time today.  I observed the following:

*Arm pit farting (boys)
*Excessive burping (boys)
*Trying to put one leg behind their head (boys)
*Strange dinosaur noises with accompanying actions (boys)
*Lots of strange looks in the boys' direction (girls)
*Some eye rolling and more looks of complete disgust (girls)
*Louder arm pit farting when the girls looked at them (boys)

 The one thing that seemed to be lacking today was actual eating.  Don't get me wrong, the lunch ladies do a wonderful job trying to monitor all of this....but when 5th grade boys realize they are annoying a bunch of girls, eating their chicken nuggets goes right out the window.

So that's what cool is?

I consider myself to be pretty cool.  Hip even.  What I mean by that is, as far as moms go I think I normally pass the test with my kids. Now mind you, I'm NOT one of those moms who wants to look and dress like her teenagers.  Frankly, I think skinny jeans are from the devil.  However I don't wear 'mom' jeans either, nor 'mom' sweaters with embroidered cats on them. (Those are definitely a blue light special from hades)  I don't spit on kleenex (anymore) to clean a dirty face on the way to church.  I try my best to not sing along with the pep band when they play "Freezeframe" by the J. Giles band.  Seriously, that one is tough.  It's so darn catchy.  Take a moment and sing it if you can.

So you see, we've established that I'm your basic, normal-ish trendy enough to make the cut mom.  But for all my mom coolness I cannot for the life of me understand this pose my daughter is demonstrating.  Its' sweeping the nation.  It's on every teenager's Facebook and it's always the same!

The pose by the tree above is a little less gangster.  But here, not only do we have gangster we have 'I'm gonna rob that gas station with a butter knife'. (all the while wearing my pink hat with a cross on it that I got at Bible camp)  What makes it even more funny to me, is that this picture is so uncharacteristic of her real personality.  

She usually looks like this!!  See, a sweet, cute smiling face.  No weird lip contortions and sideways peace signs.  No scary butterknife looks. (I realize the sombrero is a little distracting, but it was her Birthday and we love enchiladas)  My point is she's really quite a lovely, well mannered girl.  Polite, kind, great with little kids, loves her daddy, loves her sister, loves her brother (most days) works hard at school....but ask her to strike a pose...any pose she wants and she goes right back to this...

When I ask my kids why this is standard in the 'coolness industry' they can't even tell me. They just look at me like I'm wearing one of those uncool cat sweaters.  So,  I've come to the conclusion that in teenager land contorted lips + sideways peace sign = cool. It just does. Period.  I only wish the J. Giles band would make a comeback, because then I could sing along with the pep band and be cool too.  True dat.

Please *don't* be quiet

I complain far too much about noise in my house.  True confession.  I have a husband and three teenagers.  I should not expect it to be zen-like around here.  I know this somewhere in my head, but usually I can't hear my head thinking because well,  it's too noisy in here.  I have a tapper, a drummer,  a 'beatbox sounding mouth noise maker'.  Then we have your usual humming and whistling.  Meanwhile in the kitchen we have crinkling bags, and more crinkling bags and cupboards shutting  and dishes clanking.  Then there's the crunchy chip chewing.  Don't even get me started on that.  I need earplugs when the nachos come out to play. Oh and we musn't forget the favorite fork.  The favorite fork that must be used by one of my offspring every time they eat.  Of course said fork is never on the top of the stack of (perfectly good) other forks so we wake up China while rummaging to the bottom of the drawer.  Every. Single. Meal. 

So I had the house all to myself this past Saturday.  All day.  Until 11:00 pm.  RH was out of town, kids were at a retreat.  And wow....it was quiet.  Almost zen-like.  Did I like it?  Yes.  Did I love it? No.  Believe me I'm still shocked by this new found revelation.  I was reminded how much the noise in my life represents all the good things in my life.  Happy, healthy, hungry people.  A family that enjoys hanging out together. Why do I always think it needs to be so doggone quiet anyway?  So I'm going to embrace the noise of the happy people I live with and be thankful they are here to chew in my ear.  I might hide that stupid fork though.

Three Little Words

You're probably thinking awwww she's going to write about those three little words.  The words we all long to hear.  As much as I adore those three little words and even say them many times a day to those around me, they aren't the ones I'm thinking of right now.  These words I write of today are completely different but sometimes popular around here too... I've even been known to say them to myself.  Here's a picture that will help you understand.

                                                              "ARE YOU DUMB?"

Now wait...before you go all Dr. Phil on me and call the child psychologist.  My children know I don't really think they are dumb.  Remember I homeschool them, so of course their brillance is unmatched in the tri-county area.  They know this is how I lovingly ask them if they are off their rockers.  If they have a screw loose... If their elevator goes all the way to the top...If their cake is frosted.  You get the gist.  On this particular day my son happened to be the recipient of the three little words.  I don't really need to explain do I?  I mean it's not exactly balmy here right now.  In fact the day this was taken I think I may have used five words.  Something like "DUDE....HELLO???...ARE YOU DUMB?" Appropriate if you ask me.  As I've been writing this post I realize I use lots of three word phrases in my life. 

Here's my Top 5 on any given day

1. You JUST ate.

2. Pick that up.  ( I do try and say please, but this isn't the four word phrase list)

3. What's that SMELL? (use your imagination)

4. Think it through.  (something I say to them so I don't have to ask 'Are you Dumb?' as often)

5. You JUST ate.  (sometimes this one is actually said 'Seriously..really?..you just ate)  And yes I realize I said this one twice.

So you see, 'Are you dumb?' isn't even in the top 5 daily phrases.  Dr. Phil can keep his job helping shoe addicts, excessive flossers, and the women who love them.  I for one think I'll go tell my kids those other three little words.  The ones I mean the very most, and the ones I know they love to hear.    "Time for lunch"