The 'Smells' of Spring

Spring time in Minnesota is supposed to be beautiful.  Fresh air, new grass, clean lovely smells right?  Yeah, well, thus far we've had some plain old stank around here.  Things are thawing for sure...but that's not always such a good thing...

 For the past two weeks or so everytime I'd open my back porch door to go out to the deck or head to  the garage I'd catch a whiff of something kind of unpleasant.  "Kind of unpleasant "really did describe it at first. Not highly offensive, just stinky.   I chalked it up to the sneakers (boy sneakers more specifically) and the steady stream of gym bags we keep out there. (boy gym bags more specifically)  Anyway....I took the gym bags to the deck, and sprayed the shoes, but said smell only seemed to worsen over the next few days.  It went from unpleasant to that  "OH NO,  SOMETHING DIED UNDER THE FREEZER" kind of smell. 

Meanwhile...let me take you to our van. Something was also "kind of unpleasant" in there too.  We are a family of five and we carpool with lots of our extended family to sporting events all year round.  We also carpool with friends and haul kids to church, to camp, to the Y, to Grandmas, to yonder and back. And we eat in there.  Burgers, turkey sandwhiches, granola bars, popcorn, hotdogs, apples, ice cream,  leftover hotdish (in little individual containers) carrot sticks (with ranch in a baggie) you name it we've taken it along on a road trip.  We honestly do clear out our garbage and  try to keep it somewhat decent. But I'll be honest, after an entire basketball season with a van full of  8 people eating hotdish and popcorn it needs a solid two day cleaning.  We did that....it looked sparkly clean....except for that....smell. And just like our porch,  it went from unpleasant to "OH NO, SOMETHING DIED UNDER THE SEAT kind of smell.

Cut to the chase. 

 The porch: A large chunk of ham wrapped in foil, hidden on a shelf.  (the porch serves as a great freezer in the winter)  Obviously I missed this piece of piggy as the warm weather hit.  I apologized profusely to the boy in my house I had been blaming.  Afterall, I was sure he and his gear were the culprit.  (Secretly I was very relieved it wasn't him...I mean,  if you have a kid who smells like rotting pork that's a problem bigger than odor eaters can fix)

The van: Taco Johns.  More specifically a half eaten beef burrito that was still in the wrapper but tucked into the pocket  (deep down in the pocket)  on the back of one of the seats.  Of course NO ONE did it.  It was the "Taco Johns Burrito Bandit" playing a bad joke on us.  I didn't push the issue.  I figure I had already wrongly accused one of my children for  the bad pig,   I wouldn't try and blame anyone for the equally bad beef.  In actuality it could have been one of my many carpooling relatives who left us that present.  And do I really want to start accusing my father in law of such things?


I hope you are all enjoying spring wherever you are...the sights and smells of new grass, new leaves, and birds chirping a new song.  The warm sunshine that greets you on your deck in the morning as you have a cup of coffee...ah...there is nothing like spring.  But, I also give you this Spring  Thaw Warning .......if you start to smell something "unpleasant" don't automatically go blaming your father in law....you might just need to check under the passenger seat for a container of hotdish.     Carry on...and tiptoe through the tulips!!!

Deep Thoughts on Snow by Jen

Whew!  Haven't posted in a while.  Strange how 2 weeks goes by in a blink.  Of course it's not that I haven't thought of some stuff to write, but life just moves too quickly sometimes.  I started a new job in the last 2 weeks...so that's been keeping me very busy.  I'll be working from home for the most part, writing ads, editing/proofing websites for a friend's business.  It's a big task...his business is crazy busy and growing by leaps and bounds.  It's a great opportunity that came knocking at my door and I'm thrilled...and thankful.. God is always so faithful....I love how even when we're not neccesarily looking for something He can just bring it right to us. 

So that's my little life update, but in reality I just wanted to share with you about a four letter word today.  ~SNOW~ I know, I know...the weather...it's a dull topic...talked about WAAAY too much on Facebook and used as conversation filler all the time.  So I won't lament and complain and whine on and on about how much I hate it...about how SICK AND TIRED I am of it...nope I won't do that.  I'm just going to very quickly give you my top 9 reasons why I love snow in April.

Here they are...

~TOP 9 Reasons I LOVE Snow in April~

1. It will melt.

2. It will melt sooner rather than later.

3. I like melting snow.

4. MELT is a much better four letter word than SNOW

5. It's not December snow, so it will melt quicker.

6. April is the rainy month, and that causes snow to melt.

7. I like Patty Melts...and snow melts in April, so that's another good one.

8. Melting snow is better than deep drifts of non-melting snow.

9. I can see brown grass.  And that's becasue the snow is melting.

I know these reasons are complex.  Very deep.  I tend to wax philisophical when I talk about snow, so I hope this isn't over your heads.  But just try and comprehend what I've said.  Meditate on these 9 reasons and see if they speak to you.  Carry them with you in your heart. 

Put away your shovels... have a patty melt.....and celebrate April!!!

A somewhat irrational phobia

I had to use a public restroom last night at a gas station.  One of my top 3 least favorite things to do.  I'm wondering if anyone else feels like I do about them?  I will use them when absolutely necessary, but I'm kinda scared of them. They just plain old creep me out.   I was reminded again last night of this and really started to wonder why?  I mean honestly, what's my deal anyway?  All I could think of is this list of stuff that goes through my mind everytime I have to use one. 

1. The soap.  I hate the soap.  It always smells like icky cheap band-aids.  But I MUST wash my hands so icky cheap band-aids it is.

2.  The Bathroom stalls.  I know they're supposed to offer privacy...and in fact they do...but to me the gap of space between you and the outside world might as well be the Grand Canyon!  I always feel like people might just walk by and strike up a conversation "Oh, hi Jen...didn't know you were in there."  "Good thing that space is so huge between the door and the stall or I would never have noticed your new haircut."  "Hey, are those new jeans your'e wearing?"  AHHH! 

3. The toilet paper.  How many of you know the old song..."One day at a time....sweet Jesus".  It's beautiful.  But it's been wrecked for me because now I sing "One sheet at a time".  It becomes a power struggle  between me and the huge black dispenser with the ginormous rolls of paper bigger than a pizza.  Sometimes when I use just the right amount of torque and flex I'll get 3 maybe 4 sheets off that puppy...makes me wanna yell "Ha I won, I won!!!"  The part that troubles me is how I feel I have something to prove.  To a toilet paper dispenser.  Really?  (wince)

I have more.  But I think for now I'll just share these top 3. Well wait...maybe just one more.  You know those auto flushers...the NASA version of all flushers with the motion dectector sensor? Yeah, well  I literally jump everytime one of those bad boys takes off.  I envision my scarf getting stuck and me getting sucked into the abyss. The thought makes me cringe. Can you even imagine the amount of soap it would take to clean me up then?  I'd have icky cheap band aid stench with me for weeks. Wonder if I need therapy?

Backseats & Burritos

I've been gone...not  for very long...just a short overnight roadtrip with my parents.  In some ways it reminded me of the trips we'd take as a family growing up.  My two younger brothers and I in the backseat.  One memorable time we drove from MN to WA in a Dodge Omni!  Anyone remember those?  I laugh now thinking about how we'd take turns in the hatchback where we could 'stretch' out.  If it was the right time of day it was the best spot in the whole car.  If it was when the sun beat down through the window, well then it was more like being a burrito in a microwave.  Of course being the eldest, and the 'bossy sister'  (what good is a birthright if not to avoid baking in the hatchback) I made sure one of my brothers was always the designated burrito.  And believe me they smelled like one too after being back there for a few hours. 

This road trip with my parents wasn't in an Omni thank goodness.  We weren't  pulling a royal blue trailer full of  luggage and a cooler of  Grape Shasta and sandwhiches.  We were comfortable in the Grand Caravan, drinks in the cupholders, the temperature a perfect 70 degrees. Tinted windows to keep us from microwaving. We've come a long way baby.  For some reason though, when you go somewhere with your parents you are the child again no matter if you're 42, have 3 kids of your own and buy your own Shasta. 

PROS & CONS OF AN ADULT ROAD TRIP WITH YOUR PARENTS:

CON: You need to pee more often when your'e 42.
PRO: Your dad will stop and let you pee when you tell him you need to.
CON: You have to buy your own chicken sandwhich at McDonald's.
PRO: Your parents treat you to a really, really nice dinner out. 
CON: You can't pick the bed by the window in the hotel room.  Dad wants that one.
PRO: Dad & Mom pay for the room.  Score!!
CON: I can't climb in the middle of their bed if I get scared in the night.
PRO: Thank goodness I don't get scared in the middle of the night.
CON: You are still relegated to the backseat.
PRO: You get to be the backseat driver because you are the one who knows their way around.  And the backseat isn't so bad anymore since the brothers and burritos are a non issue.
CON: While dad is working at the trade show, you are at the mercy of your mother,  who wants to shop, but doesn't want to drive. (that's why you've been asked along on this trip by the way)  So any agenda of your own is out the window.  You are daughter chauffer.
PRO: You love shopping with your mother...and you love driving in the 'big city' so it's not such a big sacrifice.  And you're not driving the Omni. (and mom buys you lunch...and a coffee, and tells you what a good driver you are)

See, so even the cons in this really aren't cons. It was a fun time... my parents are pretty hip for old people.  I'm thankful that they would ask their daughter to join them on a roadtrip. (after that old people crack I might not be invited again however...or even asked home for Christmas)  But I doubt it...I know they remember the Omni days too...so I know I'm the favorite child...I'm the one who always smelled least like a burrito.  See, my birthright has not gone to waste.

Home- learnin' aint too bad

Our son Dboy who is 16 and a sophmore this year likes to tell people that he's "home-learned" by his mama when asked about school.  He also says it in this really bad hillbilly type accent.  (can you hear the banjos in the background?)  He apparently has his father's sense of humor. 

We do have people ask us frequently why we've chosen to homeschool so I've made a really
short list and posted a few pictures that convey some of the reasons we homeschool.

Reason 1. 

 The heavy lifting power I now have at my disposal is priceless!  You can tell from the look on his face that he's so EXCITED to be our pack mule.  I know it's 'teaching' him all kinds of important life lessons.  (his dad is behind him with the cattle prod)

Reason 2.

Store bought bread is beneath us, and all kids need a good dose of Home Economics.  She has her own really cute orange apron so she feels special while doing the family baking.  (notice there is no cattle prod in this picture)  I'm standing just outside the frame with the whip.

 



Reason 3.

Well what did you think dishwashers were for?  PARENTS?  Ha!!  We start them on the dishwasher before they are weaned.  Rockstar and I figured that with three kids we'll have been able to avoid the dishwasher for about 28  years total.   When they all leave home we're just going to use paper plates and our fingers. 






So there you have it.  Our homeschool philosophy.  It's all about what's BEST for the KIDS.  If you want to know some other reasons why we homeschool I have posted a tab on the homepage.  It's not required reading, so there will be no testing.  (See I slip into that teacher mode real easily)  Well, I better get busy...I have to warm up that cattle prod...there's bread to be baked and some heavy hauling to be done.  Education is important. 

The 'not so' Superbowl

I like the Super Bowl as much as any good, red blooded American I suppose.  I look forward to the commercials, and eating my husband's chili cheese dip.   For a couple of years I watched the half time show with one eye closed after the epic wardrobe malfunction.  I was a little nervous that a new trend had started, and each year I'd  be getting a little more than I bargained for...and...well... truthfully I don't need to see any kind of 'malfunction' concerning Mick Jaeger,  Prince, or the Who.  Can anyone spell  T.R.A.U.M.A.T.I.Z.E. ? 

So this year it's the Packers vs. the Steelers, and being a true blue (purple) Vikings fan I am less than thrilled, and in fact feel like a traitor eating anything made with cheese on a day like today.  In reality I could probably watch the whole Superbowl with one eye closed for how much I dislike both of these teams.  The Cheeseheads especially.  We had leftover -old man -cheesehead posing as a QB this year, so there is the additional pain and humiliation associated with that along with the usual pain and humiliation associated with being a Viking fan.  Can anyone spell O.L.D. L.E.F.T.O.V.E.R.  C.H.E.E.S.E.  S.T.I.N.K.S. ? 

'So mom who do you want win the Superbowl ?' asks my 13 year old.  Ah, Um...well that's like asking which serial killer do you like better...Dahmer or Bundy?   Do you perfer blisters on the bottom of your feet or warts on your tongue?  Hilter or Stalin?   MaryKate or Ashley?  (ok that was mean, but I just needed to lighten the tone)  I guess what I'd like to see is Terry Bradshaw, Fran Tarkenton, and Bart Starr come back as a triple threat and lead the Vikings to victory.  I would most DEFINITELY watch that with both eyes open and even enjoy the smell of old cheese.

So that's what cool is?

I consider myself to be pretty cool.  Hip even.  What I mean by that is, as far as moms go I think I normally pass the test with my kids. Now mind you, I'm NOT one of those moms who wants to look and dress like her teenagers.  Frankly, I think skinny jeans are from the devil.  However I don't wear 'mom' jeans either, nor 'mom' sweaters with embroidered cats on them. (Those are definitely a blue light special from hades)  I don't spit on kleenex (anymore) to clean a dirty face on the way to church.  I try my best to not sing along with the pep band when they play "Freezeframe" by the J. Giles band.  Seriously, that one is tough.  It's so darn catchy.  Take a moment and sing it if you can.

So you see, we've established that I'm your basic, normal-ish trendy enough to make the cut mom.  But for all my mom coolness I cannot for the life of me understand this pose my daughter is demonstrating.  Its' sweeping the nation.  It's on every teenager's Facebook and it's always the same!

The pose by the tree above is a little less gangster.  But here, not only do we have gangster we have 'I'm gonna rob that gas station with a butter knife'. (all the while wearing my pink hat with a cross on it that I got at Bible camp)  What makes it even more funny to me, is that this picture is so uncharacteristic of her real personality.  

She usually looks like this!!  See, a sweet, cute smiling face.  No weird lip contortions and sideways peace signs.  No scary butterknife looks. (I realize the sombrero is a little distracting, but it was her Birthday and we love enchiladas)  My point is she's really quite a lovely, well mannered girl.  Polite, kind, great with little kids, loves her daddy, loves her sister, loves her brother (most days) works hard at school....but ask her to strike a pose...any pose she wants and she goes right back to this...

When I ask my kids why this is standard in the 'coolness industry' they can't even tell me. They just look at me like I'm wearing one of those uncool cat sweaters.  So,  I've come to the conclusion that in teenager land contorted lips + sideways peace sign = cool. It just does. Period.  I only wish the J. Giles band would make a comeback, because then I could sing along with the pep band and be cool too.  True dat.

Chew on this

It came in the mail the other day.  I was just looking at it again a few moments ago.  And no, it wasn't Publisher's Clearing House so don't ask me for money.  It was a $1,600 estimate.  For teeth.  Not for actual teeth, but for the fixing of teeth.  Rockstar's poor, sad, teeth.  He's had a pretty bad toothache for much longer than is wise I'm afraid.  He's also not a big complainer, but when I noticed he was downing advil like a bag of skittles I knew it must be bad. He actually has really nice 'looking' teeth, but they lack substance.  (think The Real Housewives of Orange County)   So what are we gonna do?  We can't not fix them.  But I've been thinking of what we could do with $1,600 if we didn't have to deal with  his Orange County Housewife teeth. Ready? This is pretty fun.  I need to make it fun ok?

                     YOU COUD BUY:

1.  400 boxes of Froot Loops  (without coupons)

2.  A 1997 grey Ford Taurus with 143,000 miles on Craigslist.  Runs great, little rust.

3.  1,600 bags of Pork Rinds from the dollar store.  Well, really you can buy nearly 1,600 of anything from the dollar store.  I just chose pork rinds because who needs 1,600 tweezers? Duh.

4.  266 packs of Charmin. 400 packs of generic.  But if you're going to spend that kind of money on toilet paper I'd say quality is more important than quantity.

5.  533 McDonalds Happy Meals (with or without the controversial toy)

6.  800 cups of McDonalds coffee (with or without the controversial lawsuit)

7. And my personal favorite:  2 roundtrip tickets to Milan, Italy.  Now that is how you spend $1,600.

But alas, none of these are to be.  That's ok really.  I'll get over it.  You might be wondering why I chose Italy though huh?  Well it was my thinking that with all the soft breadsticks and pasta in Italy, Rockstar could enjoy our trip painfree.  I'm thoughtful like that.

Please *don't* be quiet

I complain far too much about noise in my house.  True confession.  I have a husband and three teenagers.  I should not expect it to be zen-like around here.  I know this somewhere in my head, but usually I can't hear my head thinking because well,  it's too noisy in here.  I have a tapper, a drummer,  a 'beatbox sounding mouth noise maker'.  Then we have your usual humming and whistling.  Meanwhile in the kitchen we have crinkling bags, and more crinkling bags and cupboards shutting  and dishes clanking.  Then there's the crunchy chip chewing.  Don't even get me started on that.  I need earplugs when the nachos come out to play. Oh and we musn't forget the favorite fork.  The favorite fork that must be used by one of my offspring every time they eat.  Of course said fork is never on the top of the stack of (perfectly good) other forks so we wake up China while rummaging to the bottom of the drawer.  Every. Single. Meal. 

So I had the house all to myself this past Saturday.  All day.  Until 11:00 pm.  RH was out of town, kids were at a retreat.  And wow....it was quiet.  Almost zen-like.  Did I like it?  Yes.  Did I love it? No.  Believe me I'm still shocked by this new found revelation.  I was reminded how much the noise in my life represents all the good things in my life.  Happy, healthy, hungry people.  A family that enjoys hanging out together. Why do I always think it needs to be so doggone quiet anyway?  So I'm going to embrace the noise of the happy people I live with and be thankful they are here to chew in my ear.  I might hide that stupid fork though.

Three Little Words

You're probably thinking awwww she's going to write about those three little words.  The words we all long to hear.  As much as I adore those three little words and even say them many times a day to those around me, they aren't the ones I'm thinking of right now.  These words I write of today are completely different but sometimes popular around here too... I've even been known to say them to myself.  Here's a picture that will help you understand.

                                                              "ARE YOU DUMB?"

Now wait...before you go all Dr. Phil on me and call the child psychologist.  My children know I don't really think they are dumb.  Remember I homeschool them, so of course their brillance is unmatched in the tri-county area.  They know this is how I lovingly ask them if they are off their rockers.  If they have a screw loose... If their elevator goes all the way to the top...If their cake is frosted.  You get the gist.  On this particular day my son happened to be the recipient of the three little words.  I don't really need to explain do I?  I mean it's not exactly balmy here right now.  In fact the day this was taken I think I may have used five words.  Something like "DUDE....HELLO???...ARE YOU DUMB?" Appropriate if you ask me.  As I've been writing this post I realize I use lots of three word phrases in my life. 

Here's my Top 5 on any given day

1. You JUST ate.

2. Pick that up.  ( I do try and say please, but this isn't the four word phrase list)

3. What's that SMELL? (use your imagination)

4. Think it through.  (something I say to them so I don't have to ask 'Are you Dumb?' as often)

5. You JUST ate.  (sometimes this one is actually said 'Seriously..really?..you just ate)  And yes I realize I said this one twice.

So you see, 'Are you dumb?' isn't even in the top 5 daily phrases.  Dr. Phil can keep his job helping shoe addicts, excessive flossers, and the women who love them.  I for one think I'll go tell my kids those other three little words.  The ones I mean the very most, and the ones I know they love to hear.    "Time for lunch"

The Yellow Light

This bowl of fruit on my counter is my happy place right now.  In fact my kids caught me today with my eyes closed, nose in the middle of the bowl, just sniffing.  "What are you DOING?" Startled out of my fruity bliss I responded with "Thinking how much I miss the yellow light."  Now most kids would wonder what in the heck that means, but not my kids.  They just said "Oh" and were on their merry way.  I think I did catch them giving each other the 'Wow mom IS a fruit isn't she?'  look, but I ignored them and went back to my happy place.  I'm a self professed winter non-lover.  (sounds nicer than hater)  I do really well until New Years and then on January 2nd I want it GONE. And well, let's be real, in Minnesota old man winter is just putting on his big boy pants in January.  He's more like middle aged man winter right now....something of which I'm completely aware of and yet it annoys me every year.  Oh yes...the yellow light.  Sometimes I call it the green light too.  It's the kind of sunshine you only get in the spring and summer.  It's a yummy yellow light that is rich and warm and full of grass and leaves and corn in the fields.  Winter is pretty when the snow sparkles in the sun... I'll give you that...but the light is just so...well....white.  Really, r.e.a.l.l.y. white.  Like burn your retinas give you an ice cream headache white. So this fruit on my counter, it's my therapy.  I can smell it and get lost in the summer to come.  It also seems to create good bonding time for my children as they mock me, and call me names.  I don't care, my retinas are really happy.