Doin' Hardtime

I'm excited to say I won't be going to jail after all.  Yay!!  Up until a couple of weeks ago I honestly thought I might end up in the slammer.  You see, we have neighbors with a little dog.  A little dog who barks.  Incessantly. Terribly. Loudly. And I really thought one day I might just snap...and ...well.... next thing you know, a squad car would show up, handcuffs would be flashed, and off I'd go for a ride in the caged backseat.  My crying children would be begging Mr. Policeman "Don't take momma...Mister pleeeeeease not our mamma!!" 

Before all you dog lovers start shouting PETA chants, or pickett in my front yard with "dogs are people too" signs, let me state that I DO like dogs.  Honestly. I grew up with the cutest one ever.    And making a long story short we did try the usual nice ways of dealing with this, and the more firm ways of dealing with this... because we want to get along with our neighbors.  But really in the end..nothing helped.  Only starting my ears on fire brought relief, and well, that became rather painful.  I won't go into all the ways I might have ended up in jail.  Let's just say one involved feeding the dog a 'special' treat in the middle of the night.  (I can almost hear some people calling me  Jennifer Vick about now)  No, no, no, I would never condone such a thing...I'm just being real when I say it was hard to not imagine being free from the r.e.l.e.n.t.l.e.s.s. noise ...to enjoy sitting on our deck, getting the mail, going to our van, shoveling the walk, mowing the lawn,  in peace. No yipping, barking, growling or howling.

The neighbors are moving.!!  Did you hear me? (or is the dog barking?)  Can I get a better Amen?  I must admit that I did a little "the neighbors are moving" jig.  I really never got to know them very well. But they do seem like really nice, quiet people.  They just have a really, not so nice LOUD dog.  I honestly wish them well. I hope they live somewhere far far in the country. Waaay out of ear shot. Someplace where no one will want to feed their dog 'special' treats or start their ears on fire.  As for our new neighbors, I think I'm going to try and convince them  that this is a "Goldfish Only" zone. In the end I'm sure it will all work out just fine.  New neighbors, (with pet goldfish), no more PETA chants, or signs in my yard...no squad car, handcuffs or crying children.  And best of all I get to stay out of the slammer.  I guess I won't be stealing any of Michael Vick's thunder afterall.


WRITER'S DISCLAIMER: No real or imagined dogs were hurt, or even imaginarily hurt in the writing of the post.  The writer does not condone 'special' midnight dog treats, nor does this writer condone 'ear burning'.  Michael Vick was not hurt or damaged in the writing of this post. He is still a super rich QB for the Philadelphia Eagles.  His real or imagined thunder is still intact.